the matthew show revisited: week twenty four
My creative career has followed a pattern. Do a thing really intensely for a few years, get burnt out, quit, and then finally get back into it. Every time I restart, I'm reminded of the things I love about creative expression, and also the things that are difficult.
One of those difficult things is self-doubt. While artistic pursuits are valuable to the creator absent any outside perception, a bit of recognition from others can reinforce the belief that the thing you're doing is good. Sometimes I've struggled with mixed reactions, ranging from "oh wow" to "eh," and the dissonance can be jarring.
My personality type plays into that. As someone who exists in a murky place on various spectrums, sometimes I will get perceived as being one thing and then rejudged once they learn my quirks. I've learned to be okay with that, but at the time I wrote this, I kind of wasn't. I had just moved back from NYC without any golden geese, and plugging back into the DFW scene with friends who also had no trophies felt awkward as our twenties gave way to our thirties, the way they do. Just a song about keeping on keeping on, even when the outcome feels uncertain. Which is pretty much all the time.
Here's to trying again.